Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
