Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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