I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
