went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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