i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
