She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i came on her dog
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
