someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
