Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
