sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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