I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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