we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
