Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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