fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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