i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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