I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
