Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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