when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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