I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
