let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You ruined the universe
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