careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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