Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
