He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize