So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it glows. i had to have it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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