So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
