just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
