i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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