i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
