Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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