Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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