super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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