You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
