He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
