I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
