Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize