i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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