If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
