The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
