I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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