Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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