I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
