Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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