It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
