writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you never un-have a 4some
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
