Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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