I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
