I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
