wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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