quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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