omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
