I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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