She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
