Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
