I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
