Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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