I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
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