so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
