just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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