How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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