i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The feeling are messing with the penis
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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