I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
