so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
