im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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