It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
