Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
