Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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