I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
