Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
